Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
