I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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