im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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