hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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