he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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