I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
