Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm both gender and math confused
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize