Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
