After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
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Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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