A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
