yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
