You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
