mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize