every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
