that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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