i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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