Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
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Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.