just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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