I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.