I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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