did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
