you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
