I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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