I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
