11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
