I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
