i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
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what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize