worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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