Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
