I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
