Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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