Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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