y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
