Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
