i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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