Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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