Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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