I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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