That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
