Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
