Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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