i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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