I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
