I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think people are normalizing furries
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
