woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
