Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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