Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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