I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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