he shaved USA in his pubs
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
