were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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