There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
