we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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