i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
