so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
