I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
