she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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