if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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