is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
