Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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